In 2019 I lost both my parents. In January my mother and in June my father. Now, 1 year later I decided to write about it. Sharing my experience about grief and how I learned to cope with it. Regardless of all advise, rules and regulations in the Netherlands around this subject I am writing about my own feelings. What did not work and what worked out better. These are my own opinions.

For instance: going back to work as soon as I could helped. It distracted me from “reality” (as if to say that work is not reality – I’m sure you’ll get what I mean). Focus in work resulted in more time to cope in-between the series of painful events. So, it is true that time will flatten out some bumps, but eventually, you have to go back and face reality.

Now, one year later, things did flatten-out. Memories remain and the feeling will stay uncomfortable. Actually, no day will pass by without me thinking about them both. Some days are better than others. Usually, in the non-working time, grief and sad feelings are stronger. Still, I find a lot of comfort in working hard and keeping my mind occupied with work.

Having said that, here are some of my learnings (business and non-business):

  • Speak openly about your loss and no need to suppress sadness – it reveals you are human. People around me respected that and it did not harm my position in the company at all;
  • No beating around the bush – my kids both know exactly what happened and we speak honest and open about it when they ask questions or whenever we feel to speak about it. We are not avoiding the subject;
  • Do not stay home, instead turn back to work as quickly as you can. Do inform people around you about your state of mind but focus on work in order to “flatten out the bumps”. With the right attitude, you can still get a lot out of your day and most importantly it did make me feel a bit better at the end of the day;
  • Do not shut your own family out in your grief. Instead, try to open as much as you can. Everyone around you is trying to help you into a more comfortable state; let them help you;
  • I underestimated the power of friendship. In fact: I was overwhelmed with the involvement of my group of closer friends. Their comforting words, their attention and time was something I will never forget.